then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
