ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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