I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
