I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
