I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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