we made out on top of his cat.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
