i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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