You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
