We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
