can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
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