I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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