Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
