Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
