Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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