i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
