Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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