I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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