dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
