i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
