guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
