How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
