I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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