she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
