The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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