Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
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