Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
