Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
