i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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