hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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