I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
