i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
