Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Moan for me like Helen Keller
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Randomize
