The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
