I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
don't judge my taste in strippers
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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