WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
