so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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