what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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