i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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