I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
