I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
