atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
