i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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