im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
