I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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