I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
