batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
