are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
