Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
