I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
