i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
