so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
