His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
