Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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