Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
