her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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