Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
