Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
