I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
