Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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