is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
