Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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