i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
