he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
